What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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