did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
