I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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