I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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