Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
