Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
