i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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