I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
