Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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