Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
