you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
