There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
