my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
