Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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