grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
