honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
