yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
