That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
