Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
