I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
