Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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