My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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