Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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