1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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