We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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