how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently you make a good broom.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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