Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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