toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
