party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
