And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
