so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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