Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
