you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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