Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
