You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
