it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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