Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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