never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
