you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
