They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize