the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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