Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
