you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
