but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
