Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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