THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
