Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
