you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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