her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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