p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
