cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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