idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize