I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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