Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
