New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
