They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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