So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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