Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
