He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize