If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize