my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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