walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
