So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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